Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this just has baby written all over it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
