ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
