her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
