im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
