i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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