You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
