im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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