I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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