Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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