I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
