Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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