The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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