I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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