When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
