She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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