part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
