Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
