If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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