dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
