Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
