Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
