she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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