Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
