I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
