Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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