She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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