mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
