I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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