I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
