I'd wear matching sweaters with you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
