I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
