So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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