i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Don't make out with my wife yet
Ketchup is God's man juice
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
