I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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