Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize