Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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