I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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