This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize