I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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