O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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