he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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