I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
