dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
