..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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