I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
