you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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