tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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