I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
okay pat passed out under dana's car
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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