yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
