Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
