i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she smelled like a LAN party
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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