Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
