Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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