Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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