i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
