I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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