I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
