I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
