dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
