OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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