I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
