Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
