I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
