I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
