Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
