We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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