your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
