i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
